The Art of Conflict Management

When you’re trying to achieve great things with groups of people, like Positive Compliance^TM that I described last time, you will have to deal with conflict:

Solomon, the legendary king of ancient Israel, set the gold standard for conflict resolution that managers have been trying to emulate ever since.  When two women each claimed to be the mother of the same baby, he ordered that the child be cut in two and then be divided between the two women. 

By observing each woman's reaction to the prospect of the death of the child he was able to identify the real mother.  The narrative grips us in suspense all the way to the conclusion when we hear the real mother give up her baby rather than have it suffer harm.

THE SEDUCTION OF SUPERIORITY. 

As managers, we’re attracted to such stories.  We imagine ourselves handing down decisions that are revered for their wisdom and get passed down through generations of employees long after we have been promoted into the clouds of upper management.  I’m sorry to break this news, though.  No manager today has the legion of assistants that Solomon had. 

I’d also bet that Solomon didn’t have nearly as many emails to answer, safety audits to prepare for, and project deadlines to meet as you do.  You don’t have the time that Solomon had to spend solving the problems of your direct reports.  And even if you did, I’d like to tell you why you’d be better off if you don’t spend it resolving their disagreements for them. 

As a manager you probably run into squabbles between employees every day.  In fact most new managers will tell you that one of their biggest time consumers is conflict resolution within their departments.  It becomes so much of an effort in some departments that there is often little time to get real work done. 

Experienced managers, however, know how to convert intradepartmental conflicts into growth opportunities for the employees, and in the process they save time and their own sanity.  Don’t let your employees seduce you to play Solomon all the time. 

When two of your people are fighting they will tend to take the easy way out and get you to declare a winner.  It’s an easy trap to fall into for three reasons. 

• Firstly, most people hate confrontation.  They will complain to their coworkers for days on end about someone else’s transgressions before they will talk to that person face to face.  They will launch intercontinental ballistic emails at each other forever, copying the world, long before they will sit down together and work out a compromise. 
• Secondly, they’ll say that resolving interpersonal squabbles isn’t their job.  “You’re the boss,” they’ll say. “That’s why you’re paid the big bucks.” 
• The third reason is the most insidious.  You became a manager in the first place because you’re good at solving problems and telling people what to do.  And because your’re good at it, you enjoy it.  When there’s a problem that you can fix you like to dive right in.  You are being seduced.

Resist that temptation like the plague. 

• It’s a black hole.  It will suck you in and you’ll never get out. If you make it easy for employees to come to you to solve their minor spats, you’ll never have time to get your own work done. 
• Unless you challenge your employees to solve their own problems, they're never going to grow.  They will always be dependent on you.  That may make you feel good for a while …until you’re passed over for a promotion because you’re considered indispensable. 
• If you declare a winner in a conflict, then no matter how sage your opinion, there must also be a loser.  The loser is a demotivated employee and that costs the company money. 

Next time, “Conflict Part 2.  Don’t Solve the Problem, but Do Insist on a Solution”.  Published originally in Norm Howe's article in Chemical Engineering, March 2003